Just A Horizon Away

Amidst Noise and Chaos

2011-12-31T22:47:00.000+08:00

Just a few hours ago, our next-door neighbor almost had their house burnt because of a faulty gas tank. When I saw the fires shoot up uncontrollably from their second floor window, I immediately fetched our water hose instantly as a reaction in case the worst happened. Luckily, a few minutes later, they were able to unplug the burning gas tank in time and have it thrown into the river to prevent a looming New Year's Eve disaster. However, the night's still young and the parties and fireworks are just starting. Our family doesn't light even a single firecracker during these occasions but most of our neighbors do. I just hope they're responsible enough to think of their neighborhood's safety and well-being to avoid further disaster from happening.

Anyway, that shouldn't be the primary topic of this entry but I just can't help ranting that out. Imagine welcoming the incoming year with a misfortune. Oh well. Off to my REAL topic. :)

I can't remember when's the last time I had composed a year-end blog but I think the last one was years ago and posted in my Multiply site (probably, cross-posted here too). Now, I'm not sure how to commence my "acknowledgment" post for Year 2011.

Unlike most people who keep lists of their achievements and what-have-you's for the departing year, I only have my memory to trust on occasions such as today. But hey, at least you know whatever I'll write here really left a mark on me. :)

From what I remember, my past year-end blogs don't tackle my personal milestones and achievements, but rather I give focus and highlight to people who made an impact on my life for the last 12 months. So here they are:

Luigi, Gliezl, Kester and Jin

Cheers to the best group of people I met in P&G! No words can express how much I value the friendship we have built over the past year. Everything happened so fast and just within 2011. We met. We hung out. Some left. Some came back. It's good to know that those who left are finally back or coming back by 2012. Except me, of course, who left for good. But that's not a problem since we have proven that the bonds we have built extend outside P&G's four corners. I look forward to spending more time with these awesome guys!

Kel

As usual, the only friend who managed to consistently be part of my year-end posts. What describes him perfectly is "a friend for all seasons". One of the best guys I've ever met and (I guess most people will agree) one you can consider a true and genuine friend. Hands down to this guy for being such a nice, generous, trustworthy, and reliable person. These reasons are exactly why he'll be missed so much when he finally leave for Australia to search for a greener pasture this January 2012. Bheng and I will definitely miss this guy especially his generosity (primarily, with food)! :)

P&G SD-GDM team

Of course, I have to give credits to my first ever work peer in life. Within my five months of stay with them, they have taught me things essential not just for survival, but success in the corporate world. I believe some even changed the manner I conduct myself at work in general. These people served as an inspiration and pushed me to better in everything I do, be it work or non-work. To always exceed expectations and not settle for mediocrity.

HP-WPPS team

Although I'm new to the team, I have already felt the warmth that this team has to offer. They welcomed me more as a family rather than a colleague. I know it's a bit early to say this, but for some reason I just know I'm in good hands. I just know I'm part of one, if not the best team in HP. :)

Bheng

I guess each and every person who knows me personally and reads this is expecting this last bit of acknowledgment. Of course they will because it isn't a big secret how much I love this person. In fact, I am very proud to be her partner cause she's one of the most loved persons I know. :)

As of this writing (read: typing), we are on our 44th month together as partners. Four years ago, by this time, we were probably chatting over Y!M or texting each other. For two persons to be so close and sweet with each other, you probably won't believe we had to meet yet during that time. Moreover, we just started texting for a little over than a week. Long story short, we instantly "clicked" and now we're staying strong as a couple. Indeed, it was a quick "ligawan" stage. But mind you, the "ligawan" part did not stop yet after the much coveted "yes" from her. =P

There's a lot to be thankful for when I think of Cielo. Just as the Bible verse says (Philippians 1:3), "I thank my God every time I remember you."

I honestly can't recall everything we did for the past year. But I know not all of them are happy memories. Just as other couples do, we also had our shares of misunderstandings and differences. The past year had been a roller-coaster ride for our relationship. We were tested multiple times and in varying gravity. But we persevered. That's another thing to be thankful for I guess. The fact that you were able to keep a long relationship and persevere amidst all the differences must measure the sincerity of your feelings for each other.

If I'm asked, all I can wish for us this 2012 is a much stronger bond, more understanding and longer patience. But even without those, I know I could not ask for more. Who would, when you already have the best you can ask for. (music playing: "...cause God gave me you." Haha!)

I love you, Bheng! Thank you for making my Christmas and New Years merrier! I can say I'm a contented man when it comes to heart matters. :)

Diferrence

2011-12-29T13:43:00.002+08:00

Why do we have a lot of such?

Mid-Holiday Break

2011-12-28T13:35:00.000+08:00

Today's exactly halfway my 9-day Christmas holiday break. It seems as if time gains speed especially during these days when you want it to slow down big time. Working days loom nearer and nearer as the Christmas spirit dies down fast. I want to think that I have yet to experience the best of this much deserved break. Unfortunately, a recent "mood swing" brought by something I'd rather not elaborate here tells me that the rest of the holidays will just be normal days, if not worse. Still, I hope for the best. After all, when I get back to work, I won't have much time again to share. No matter how badly I want to give my time, I just can't. That's why I value moments when I have time to share. No distractions. Purely ours.

Find Me

2011-11-26T01:46:00.001+08:00

Tonight, I really feel down and tired from all the failures. Right now, depression finally found its way through me after working as hard as I can to suppress these unwanted emotions several months now. Honestly, I can't specifically tell what things contributed to this sudden onset of depression. All I know is that somewhere inside me, a voice is telling me, repeatedly, how much of a failure I was and am. Haze of things keep me partially blind to see past these feelings.

Somehow, I feel I've lost much of my former self. I was not a failure. But I am.

I miss having friends to lean on to whenever times like these arise. I'm not even sure now if I still have friends. Someone told me I have no friends. Maybe, he/she is right. 'Cause right now, I wouldn't feel alone if I have any. If a friend is too much to ask for, maybe a stranger will do, so long as he'll lend me an ear and hear me out without judging me.

True enough, familiarity breeds contempt. You see, more than friends, I miss people who'd listen to all my worries no matter how stupid and irrational they may be. People who won't judge me because they knew me too well. Sometimes, I don't need someone to tell me what's the right thing to do or what I've done wrong. Believe me, I know. There are just those times I want someone who'll comfort me. Someone who'll tell me I didn't do anything wrong. Someone who'll uplift me no matter how wrong he/she thinks I am. Someone who'll save me the scoldings for later when I am more rational. In times like these, I don't need opinions. I don't need lectures. I need to be heard. I need comfort. I need shelter.

Where have you gone to? Find me. Please.

Zoo York + Bench

2011-11-09T19:09:00.001+08:00

Okay. This will be a quick post.

Last night, Bheng and I decided to past time at Trinoma since we had nothing better to do after she finished all her requirements for the day. In a way, it was also our way to celebrate (technically, to mourn) the last day of the semestral break. In short, we dated. Haha!

Things turned really quick and unexpected immediately after we entered the mall. Originally, our plan was to past time window shopping before eating dinner. However, this plan proved to be a failure when we passed a boutique fronting a rack of branded dancing shoes with a signage that says "Everything below P1500." Now, who would refuse that offer? You probably might think otherwise, but would you still think the same if you knew the boutique is Zoo York? Long story short, Bheng bought a pair of cute white-pink high-cut dancing shoes for 1500Php (originally priced at 3500Php).

While making the purchase, we noticed a picture-filled cork board in a corner of the boutique just beside the cashier. It showcases pictures of their customers, both ordinary people and celebrities, with their Zoo York purchases. Jokingly, we asked the salesperson if we can have our pictures posted in the board. To our surprise, he immediately went to the stockroom and fetch his camera to have our picture taken. Haha! Next time you visit Zoo York Trinoma and you see familiar faces in the pictures, it might just be us! Sorry, artista eh. :))

Of course, not only Bheng gets to have a new item at the end of the day. Although, she paid for all the purchases. Haha! She bought me an adorable Bench clutch bag as an advance gift for our 43rd monthsary. Thank you, Bheng! Love the bag! Hihi. :3

Bheng's gift for our 43rd monthsary! :3

Prologue

2011-11-07T16:54:00.001+08:00

Today is a total rest day for me. I'm just too tired to do anything but to stop and take a well-deserved break.

Ok, scrap that last statement. I'm having this break because my body doesn't allow me to do anything more. I have drained almost every ounce of energy l saved up during these last two days when I attended Kuya Reagan's birthday treat and the 20-hour Tagaytay roadtrip with my P&G barkada. I'm just too weary that I have to type this entry using Blogger Droid on my phone. :))

Gahh. I think my mind haven't recovered yet from the weariness. Or maybe the thoughts I want to share are just overwhelming that my mind can't decide which to share first. Or maybe how? Each would have to wait 'til the next posts so I can discuss them thoroughly.

Ok. I just transferred to the laptop. Not that I want to, but I am forced out of the bed anyway.

Oh well. Is it really just me? For some reason, this day feels really depressing. I'm not sure if this feeling's a result of my fatigue or there's something bothering my subconscious but I'm just too tired to ponder what it is. I don't think it's because of one thing though. I mean, I think this depression I'm feeling is a combination of different factors. Some suppressed emotions from the past and some realizations dawning on me just now.

I feel that I haven't used these last few days wisely. I did enjoy, but I could have been happier. Oh well.

Leo Burnett

2011-10-26T18:29:00.002+08:00

Earlier today, I went to Leo Burnett at The Enterprise Center in Makati to have an interview. Not a job interview but a paid research interview. The moment I arrived at their office, I can't help but be in awe at the elegance and beauty of their office that I instantly thought it deserves a mention in my blog. Unfortunately, I have no photos to share here as I forgot to take even a single pic.

The reception lobby is enormous and spacious with a few carefully selected classy furnitures and fixtures. One side of their wall is adorned with several similar trophies and plaques. From their design and shapes, you can probably infer that they came from prestigious award-giving organizations. The rooms are also spacious and are extraordinarily designed with unusual but appealing wallpapers. I must say, their interior designer did a really fantastic job at their office. Everything you see there induces creativity and artistic ideas, something really needed for a company who excels in advertising. I just wish I was able to take even a single photo so I wouldn't need to describe it here 'cause my descriptions are quite lousy. As I compliment my host about the elegance and classiness of their office, she told me that I haven't seen yet the best part of the office which is on the other side of the building. Gah. I wish I asked her to tour me around. Now, I regret not asking her. Tsk.

Probably, there is only one (actually, two) thing bheng wouldn't approve of my experience in Leo Burnett - the two beautiful interviewers. Haha! I was astounded when I learned they are exactly my age. Don't worry bheng, you're definitely more gorgeous and appealing than those two combined. And I'm not making it up. You really are. At least for my eyes. :3

When I arrived home, I immediately searched for Leo Burnett's site and BAM! Their site is really coooooooool! Not the usual cluttered company sites you see in the internet. Theirs is very adorable and minimalist. One you would expect from an excellent advertising company. You can visit their site at http://www.leoburnett.com/.

Lastly, did you know how successful Leo Burnett is? They are the one behind the widely-acknowledged McDonald's "Magkahawak ang ating Kamay" advertisement. Yes, that's right. But that's just a speck in their way to popularity. They are also the creator of iconic symbols and mascots for several global companies such as Phillip Morris and Kellogg's. I suggest you do your personal research if you want to know more about their tickets to success. :)

UPDATE: After Leo Burnett, I had a catch-up lunch with my P&G friend Luigi. We talked about his ideas for a startup company and I must say the guy's really born a visionary! Who knows, he might be the next Philippines' Steve Jobs. He was part of a team that topped the recently concluded Startup Weekend Manila. From what I know, their team will receive 15,000 SG dollars as funding together with a few other teams. In addition to that, a 100-day bootcamp training in Singapore! W-O-W. I'm really proud of him. Congrats again, bro!

Fruits of Solitude

2011-10-26T01:28:00.001+08:00

Next to spending time with bheng, I do enjoy spending time with myself. Of course it's not absolute that I prefer solitude whenever I'm not with bheng. There are just those times when I want to indulge myself in deep thoughts of almost anything that pops into my mind. Most of those times are during bus rides home late at night. For some reason, my mind works REALLY at its best at night. Haha. Siguro nasanay kasi ko na gabi lagi nagaaral dati? Or the other way around? I don't know really. Anyway, that's beside the point. What I'm trying to say is that it's quite good for me to have moments alone like these when I can free my mind from worries and just let any idea flow past my consciousness. A few minutes of fresh cold night air rushing against your face while listening to old ballads is one of the most refreshing things I'll always enjoy. Sorry bheng, old ballads talaga. Alam ko iba choice of music mo. To each his own. :))

When it comes to life in general, my mind seems to have a lot to say. However, most of it stay stuck in my mind 'cause I'm too lazy to think of proper coherence and phrasing to translate my thoughts into words. By the way, this too is a realization I got from my moments of solitude. In fact, most of my blogs are inspired by thoughts I picked up during those times. Well, that be the case, I actually should have blogged a lot more. However, as I've said, I'm quite the lazy blogger. Besides, micro-blogging sites are there as alternatives to "full-length" blogging. They come in handy when you have an interesting thought in mind that you would like to share but you can't (or choose not to) expound it to comprise a 1000-character entry. So you put it as a status in Twitter or Facebook (in my case, Plurk) and let people reflect and react on it. Voila!

Before I end this entry, I wanted to mention that I just read bheng's latest blog entry. I must say, YOU HAVE A LOOOOOOOT OF PENDING PICTURE UPLOADS TO DO FOR ME! You see, I want to upload our pictures together but she insists on uploading them herself. So I let her do it. But she didn't upload most of it. :| HOY CIELO! I-upload mo na lahat ng date pics naten! Andami na nun! Aren't you proud of your boyfriend? :3 Ayaw mo atang makita sa pics na magkasama tayo eh. Tsk.

Anyway, to answer bheng's last statement in her entry entitled "TERIYAKI BOY C/O BHENGBOY," I'll be more than happy to treat her again in TBoy. Yun lang pala eh. Pero upload mo muna pics naten. :P That's quite a good bargain, don't you think? Love you, bhengtot. :3 <3

Soulmate

2011-10-24T10:59:00.001+08:00

Whoever said that looks can be deceiving must have pertained toher.

At first glance, she seems to be the quiet and reserved type. Hersmile speaks innocence. Even her slim figure suggests a very strict diet. Only untilyou personally know her do you realize that behind her charming smile lies aloud mouth which talks almost tirelessly and her appetite surpasses those ofother guys’. Indeed, this girl is contradiction personified but you’ll love heranyway.

Despite her one-of-the-boys character, she is a certified headturner because of her undeniable appeal. Perhaps, this is why she is oftencalled Dyosa by her friends and acquaintances.

She may not realize it but she has exceptional people skills. Shecan make people happy just by being her usual self. In fact, her ultimate ticketto popularity among her peers is her effortless and often unintentional way ofcracking jokes, mostly herself as the subject. Nonetheless, they regard her asa woman of substance and someone worthy of trust and respect.

Without hesitation, she is a friend worth for keeps. She is thebest friend every soul desires. Whoever said anything essential is invisible tothe eye has yet to see this girl. :)

Cold Champorado

2011-10-24T10:41:00.001+08:00

Woke up around 8:30 AM today. Then, ate champorado for breakfast. Cold champorado. :|

Currently, my pet kitten, Taiguru (LOL), is also having her morning meal. Oops, tapos na pala. She now goes to the CR to pee. Yes, she knows where to pee and poo. I don't know how she knew it but lucky for us we don't need to clean after her mess. :))

It's 10:45 now and I still need to prepare to visit Cielo at her house. The original plan was I'll accompany her to UPD this morning. However, based on her plurk she'll be going tomorrow instead since she woke up late and still tired from her EK adventure. Gahh. I'm too lazy to prepare just yet. Maybe, I'll bum a bit more. Sorry bheng! I'll see you in a couple of hours! :D

P.S. Did you notice how I chose the title of this entry? Parang MMK lang. Haha!

An Hour and a Half

2011-10-24T01:16:00.002+08:00

The primary reason I spent a lot of time reviving this blog site the whole Sunday afternoon is because I have nothing else better to do. On an ordinary day, I would have spent my time surfing the internet while texting with Cielo, if I'm not visiting her in UPD or at her house. However, yesterday (technically, it's already Monday) was not an ordinary day, at least for Cielo and a bunch of her college friends. They went to Enchanted Kingdom to unwind from the previous semester's stress and, maybe, prepare for the upcoming, more stressful second semester.

With Cielo enjoying the rides of EK and the company of her friends, of course I can't interfere with her day; ergo, I can't expect her to text me much than the usual. Long story short, it was only around 10 PM when she texted me saying they're on their way home. Hours growing late, I insisted to accompany her on her way home instead of going by herself. Thus, followed the fastest one hour and a half of my life with her. Oh well, at least I got to be with her. More importantly, I know she's now safe home. :)

Revival 2.0

2011-10-23T19:49:00.002+08:00

Perhaps, I "mistitled" this post, if ever there is such a word.

Thanks to AJ (my fellow Circuiteer) who revived my interest in getting back to blogging that I spent the entire afternoon renovating my blogger account. It's a relief that the new Blogger has more "gwapo" customizations now so I did not need to code my own design and instead settled for a theme and customized it according to my preferences. However, I might re-renovate the full design when I have the time and enough HTML know-how. Oo, maarte ako sa design eh. Haha. Usually, I want my posts to appear unique and pleasing to the reader's eyes. Before, there were even times when I'm not interested in posting anything because I'm not confident with the over-all appearannce of the site. I know that content is more important, but I just can't help wanting to please my eyes on aesthetics. :))

On another note, I think I need to log off for a moment before I post anything else here. Since I spent the entire afternoon in front of the computer, I have forgotten to take a bath. Para na kong si Cielo. Peace bheng! :))

Starting today...

2010-11-09T22:51:00.001+08:00

I'm officially missing Cielo each and every day.

Hindi naman sa hindi ko siya nami-miss dati. Pero dati kasi parang taken for granted na lang yung "I miss you" between the two of us. Now, I can say that I AM MISSING HER. Yung totoong-totoo. Tsk. Ngayon na hindi na kami araw-araw nagkikita, talagang ramdam ko yung pagka-miss sa kaniya. It makes me want to visit her everyday sa UP. Kung pwede nga lang talaga. Kaya lang wala naman akong pera pamasahe araw-araw dahil wala na naman akong baon. Haha. Pero kung may pera lang talaga ko, I'd gladly spend all of it for the fare to be with her. I miss her so much.

Today is the first day of classes for the second semester. Ngayon lang ulit hindi kami magkasama ni Cielo sa first day of classes. Oh well. Sa sobrang pagka-miss ko kay bheng, I spent the afternoon either re-reading her multiply posts or looking for her pictures on friendster (kahit na may kasama siyang ayoko makita. tsk). Actually, kahit anong related sa kanya like testimonials binasa ko na rin. Pati personal messages namen sa FB or Fster nung hindi pa kami or nung bago pa lang kami. =)

Me and Cielo during SquEEEze 2008. This is one of our first pics together =)

Grabe. Gusto na kita makita ulit. Bihira na rin tayo magkatext di tulad ng dati. I just wish na kahit wala ako lagi sa tabi mo, hindi mababawasan yung kung anu mang meron tayo. Instead, sana maging way pa yun to help us grow stronger together. I love you so much...

Sa ngayon katext kita at nagagalit ka saken kasi ang sad ng texts ko. Sorry. I can't help it eh. =( Hindi kasi ko sanay sa ganitong set-up. Hindi ako sanay na hindi ka nakikita araw-araw pag pasukan. At hindi ako sanay na hindi kita kasabay tuwing lunch at dinner. Feeling ko masa-sad ka habang binabasa mo 'to. Sorry. Pero at least alam mong ikaw pa rin iniisip ko kahit wala ako sa tabi mo. Well, wala naman tayo choice but to get used to this. Pero I promise you, once na meron na kong work and I have the resources, babalik ko yung dati. Syempre hindi na gaya ng dati na every free time mo or break, pwede mo ko makasama. Pero at the very least man lang eh yung magkita tayo araw-araw. I'm looking forward to that day na sabay na ulit tayo everyday kahit sa dinner lang.

Ang weird ng construction ng entry na 'to. Pabago-bago ng point of view. Ok lang naman siguro. Ikaw lang naman ang babasa nito siguro. Kung meron mang ibang babasa, problema na nila yun. :)

Ayun. Marami pa kong sasabihin sa'yo but I'll save the rest for another day. Para naman meron kang something to look forward to. Right now, eto lang gusto ko sabihin sa'yo:

Sana araw-araw kasama pa rin kita...I'll miss you more everyday...

I LOVE YOU !

Bheng...

2010-10-29T23:41:00.007+08:00

I can't think of anything to say except for...

I'm missing you so much these past days.

I miss us.

I'm hoping to see you soon.

And I love you...

Revival

2010-10-28T16:59:00.000+08:00

Finally! I'm back to blogging! Yey!

As of the moment, I'm still on the process of "reviving" this blog site. Maarte ako eh. Kaya gusto ko muna ayusin yung layout nitong site bago ko mag-post ng kung anu-ano. Haha! Wala ako maisip kung ano pa pwede idagdag/baguhin sa layout ngayon so eto entry muna. :)

Tinulugan na naman ako ni Bheng. Tanghaling tapat ang haba-haba ng tulog. Define boredom di ba? Walang nagte-text. Walang updates sa Facebook at Plurk. Sama mo na rin Twitter. Haha! Kaya sana gumising ka na Bheng! Para may kausap naman ako. LOL.

Sige na matutulog na lang din muna ko.

198 Acknowledgments

2010-04-01T20:05:00.007+08:00

“Silent gratitude isn't much use to anyone.”

~ G.B. Stern

Indeed, college life is difficult. But it would have been tenfold tougher without the people who traveled the road of education with you. It is in this regard that I would like to extend my deepest gratitude to those people whose contributions will never be forgotten.

First and foremost, to my family: Papa, Mama, Kuya and Tummy:

Thank you for the unconditional support, patience and understanding you’ve provided me ever since. Thank you for even the littlest yet significant things that helped me become as I am today. It is to you whom I gladly dedicate the fruits of my hardwork. I love you all!

To our adviser, Ma’am Gev:

Who dares to teach must never cease to learn. Thank you for believing in us although we were unable to meet most of our deadlines. Despite the limited time you have, you have always spared some to help us with our work and to guide us through the research.

To my thesis partner, Alvi:

Sa wakas, tapos na tayo sa 198! Thank you for all the patience and hardwork you’ve put into this research. Our efforts have now been paid off. Congratulations and good luck to your future endeavors!

To our fellow DSP 198ers, Bogs and Narz:

Congratulations din! Thank you for sharing your knowledge with us. I hope you were able to learn some from us as well.

To the whole DSPamilya:

Hahaha! Syempre di naman pwedeng DSFamily di ba? Aida, Arvin, Chia, DP, Emon, Keone, Les, Manu, Marvin, Mio, Nico, Ted, Tim, Tin, Triah, Virg, Sir Lito, Sir Fed, Sir Franz, Kuya Mac, Kuya Joel and DSProbies. Thank you for all the academic and moral support. Let us continue to be proactive. Good luck to all future 190ers and 198ers!

To Bata, Darwin and Aljay:

There is UNITY in GO! From the time we formed our barkada including Alvi three years ago, there had not been a moment I remember when we fought with each other. In fact, inspite of all that transpired, we continue to trust each other amidst all circumstances. I am very grateful to have met friends whom I can really trust and rely in times of trouble and depression. Thank you so much for the unparalleled camaraderie and support.

To Kel:

I've heard it said that people come into our lives for a reason. Bringing something we must learn. And we are led to those who help us most to grow if we let them and we help them in return. Well, I don't know if I believe that's true. But I know I'm who I am today because I knew you. Those lines from the song “For Good” summarizes what I wanted to say to you. You’re one of the few trusted friends I’ve had not only in UP but in my entire life as well. Thank you for all the things you’ve done for me from the past until today. No word is enough to express my gratitude towards you.

To the Boardmates (Inah, Irah, Miko, Dada, Chow, Jean, Gelo, Paul, Joe, April):

Inooooooom! LOL. Joke lang. Thank you for accepting me as part of this group. I am always looking forward to being with you, guys! Thank you for all the laughter and recreation we shared together. I am very grateful to each and everyone of you, especially to Inah and Irah whom I can entrust Cielo whenever I’m not around. Thank you so much!

To my beloved organization, UP Circuit:

Dare to excel. Thank you for being my refuge and sanctuary since my second year in college. Thank you for providing me all the necessities a student will ever need to survive in EEEI; from academic assistance to people whom I consider as almost family. Thank you for all the values you have imparted on me to become a holistically developed individual. To the members of UP Circuit, I thank you all for sharing your time and ideas with me. Circuit HAYT!!!

To my dearest Cielo:

Bheng! Thank you for being both a distraction and inspiration. Sorry for all my shortcomings especially whenever I’m stressed. Thank you for being patient and understanding whenever those times came. I am truly blessed to have you by my side through thick and thin. Thank you for all the encouragement and support you willingly gave me. Most of all, thank you for the unconditional love that kept me and will continue to keep me inspired. Always take care of yourself. I love you so much!

And most importantly, to God:

Thank you, Lord, for the wisdom you bestowed upon me and the loving and caring people you surrounded me with. Without You, I am nothing. To Yours be the glory!

Shox! >.<

2008-05-11T14:58:00.001+08:00

AmF. Long time no post ah...

After summer classes na lang ako magpopost ng matinong entry. Owel...di na ko makapaghintay mawalan ng academic load kahit sandali lang.

@cielo: Para sa'yo next entry ko. Haha. Next time pa naman yun...Grabe,miss na kita o...

?????

2008-04-10T19:17:00.001+08:00

>.<

Parang hindi ko na kaya...

Pag gising ko...

2008-03-19T09:18:00.000+08:00

Kaninang umaga lang pag gising ko tumatak sa isip ko yun...Owel. I just have to get used to this feeling habang bakasyon pa...

Ilang araw din to...

Antagal naman.

Pyrrhic victory?

2008-03-11T17:11:00.000+08:00

Inaatake ako ng depression over a certain thought. Hindi ko na dapat pinapansin yung mga ganitong pakiramdam eh, but its frequent occurence brings me here now...Forgive me if this entry would turn out to be random thoughts once again. Pero i assure you that all of them are interconnected in one way or another.

Pyrrhic victory...

Una kong narinig yan sa HS Social Studies teacher namin. Pyrrhic victory...is a victory with devastating cost to the victor. In short, it is a costly victory. Panalo ka pero "TALO" ka at the same time. I can't help but remember this everytime na nagbabasa ko ng blog "niya".

Pano ba? Hindi ko na alam pano ire-relate ng maayos yan sa real life situation...

Minsan sa buhay natin, hindi maiiwasan yung mga oras where we are faced with two choices. Swerte mo if the choice you have to make is just between the good and the bad. Kasi kung ganun, you know what to choose. Pero mas madalas, we are faced with two choices that are both leaning on the negative side. if you're to choose, anu ang pipiliin mo: gusto mong gawin o dapat mong gawin? Parang madali pero mahirap, lalo na kung ang alam mong kahit anung piliin mo, may isang masasaktan. Sino ba mas tanggap mong gawing "opportuniy cost"? Sino ba mas pipiliin mong saktan? Sarili mo o ibang tao? Kahit anu pa piliin mo, alam mong may isang talo.

Pinili mo ang sarili mo. Panalo ka. Pero talo pa rin dahil nakasakit ka. Sa tingin mo ba tama ang pagpili mo?

Pinili mo yung ibang tao. Talo ka. Pero panalo na rin dahil hindi ka nakasakit. Sa tingin mo ba magiging masaya ka?

Piliin mo mang maging masaya ka, may isang malulungkot. Kung pipiliin mo ang kaligayahan niya, ikaw naman ang magiging malungkot.

Sa pagpiling gagawin mo, anu ba mas mahalaga sa'yo: ikaw o siya?

Pero sana...bago ka pumili...maisip mo rin...na hindi lang kayong dalawa ang kasama sa desisyon mo. Hindi lang siya ang nagmamahal sa'yo...

Hay.

You're back...

2008-03-02T21:55:00.000+08:00

Wala lang. Hindi ko rin alam kung bakit ako nagblog ngayon.Hehe! Dapat eh gagawa lang ako ng invitation letters para sa mga EEE profs for squEEEze, pero nung natapos ko na...eto,nagmultiply na ulit. Hehe.

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Hay...Mamaya makikita ko na rin ulit si cielo. Sobrang miss na kita cielo!!! T.T Sad. All i have are pictures of you staring back at me. Sana kasama kita ngayon. Hay...

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Tsaka na ulit ako mag-eelaborate ng entry ko...

[unfinished]

2008-03-01T05:54:00.000+08:00

Tinatamad pa 'ko pumunta ng up >.< Wala naman akong class ngayon pero gusto ko lang makita tambayan ng circuit. Tulong na rin sa campaign ni laurice since wala pa ko nagagawa as personal campaign manager niya dahil sa exams. Pero bago ko pumasok, blog muna.Ü

Wala na kong matinong entries nitong mga huling buwan. What i mean by matino eh yung hindi "one-liner" or isang paragraph lang. Medyo magulo kasi thoughts ko ngayon kaya hindi muna ko nagba-blog. Baka kasi yung opposite pa ng gusto kong sabihin yung masabi ko.

Andami ko gusto sabihin pero hindi ko ma-express lahat. Masaya naman ako ngayon..though not always. Syempre may times na medyo malungkot pa rin pero keri lang. Besides, may reason naman para maging masaya.Ü

I promised someone na pagbalik niya I'll be able to share my thoughts about certain things. Pero hanggang ngayon hindi ko pa rin alam kung bakit ko nararamdaman yung mga bagay na dapat eh iniintindi ko na lang.

I know that I lack proper judgement at times. Actually, napapadalas na nga ata yung mga maling judgement ko ngayon. I always say that I understand. Because I have to understand. Isa pa, priority ko naman yung mas makakabuti para sa kanya. I can't be selfish, not now.

Alam kong hindi ko dapat nararamdaman yung mga ganito pero i just can't help it.Ü Kailangan kong magmature...now na! Ü

I just hope na kaya ko nang i-share thoughts ko the next time i'll be blogging...For now, yan na muna. Atleast hindi na "one-liner".

you and me

2008-02-16T13:53:00.000+08:00

ayokong nakikita kang ganyan...panunuorin na lang ba kitang nasasaktan? hay...

hug

2008-02-10T14:04:00.000+08:00

"Maraming tao ang magpapasalamat sa kabutihan mo. Pero hindi lahat sila ay susuklian ang kabutihang yun."

Owel. Wala lang.Ü Tagal na niyang message na yan sa drafts folder ko sa cellphone eh. Burahin ko na ngayon.

Wui...miss na kita.Ü Salamat.

law of impenetrability

2008-01-27T13:29:00.000+08:00

Basic knowledge na sa Science yung Law of Impenetrablity. It states that "no two things can occupy the same space at the same time."

haha. wala lng. Next time na elaboration. Tinatamad ako ngayon tsaka masakit na rin mata ko sa kakatitig sa monitor. Owel.

Hay...I'm glad na may nagpapasaya sa'kin ngayon. Masaya talaga ko.Ü Salamat sa'yo.Ü

Ang corny naman di ko ma-elaborate thoughts ko ngayon. Amfness! Basta. Next time. I hope sensible na yung entry ko nun.

thank you.

2007-12-31T18:15:00.000+08:00

goodbye 2007!!!

konting oras na lang bago mag-2008. Salamat sa lahat ng mga naging part ng 2007 ko.Ü Salamat sa lahat ng Circuiteers! Naging masaya yung nakaraang tatlong sem na kasama ko kayo. Sana ganun na rin yung iba. Sorry sa mga naging pagkukulang ko as a member.Ü At sori rin kung mamadaliin ko na 'tong entry na 'to...hehe.

Gusto ko i-acknowledge yung mga taong naging special sa'kin ngayong taon. Kung hindi dahil sa kanila, hmm...baka lalong naging sabog ang 2007 ko. Sila yung dahilan kung bakit ganado pa rin ako sa UP hanggang ngayon. hehe. These people are my necessities.Ü [Boo Globe! di ko tuloy kayo matext ngayon :( ]

Darwin: Una ka, pero wag ka masyado matuwa. Random arrangement to. Hehe. Peace friend!Ü Ikaw yung laging sensitive sa nararamdaman ko. Yun ang tingin ko ah. Tingin ko lang naman. Haha, joke lang! Sana marami ka pang taong mainspire. You're such a good person. One of the best nga kung sabihin ng iba.Ü

Alvi: O bakit kasama ka dito? Mali ata ako ng type eh. Hehe. Seriously, salamat. Hindi kumpleto ang B-squad kung wala ka.

Bata: Isa ka pa. Hinaan mo ng konti boses mo ah. Kung ga'no ka kababa, ganon naman kataas ang level ng boses mo. Nyahaha! Serious mo ata ngayon ah. Belated happy birthday na rin.

Jean and Gelo: Pinagsama ko na kayo. Conjugal naman eh. Kung anu ang meron si lalaki [Jean], ganun din ang kay babae [Lola Gelo]. Hehe. Salamat! Pwedeng yun na lang??? Sana eh maging mabuti kayo sa isa't isa...Tandaan na "AIDS doesnt matter." Muhahaha! Joke lang. Mwahugz! O wag matuwa, Jean. Para lang ky Gelo yan. Bading daw ako eh. AmF?! Halikan kita dyan eh. Magsumbong ka pa kay Jean. XD

Jerrold: Ayan...sana maging mas close pa tayo personally.Ü Masarap ka kausap kasi masarap ka pagkatiwalaan...Pero baka masarap ka nga talaga. Patikim naman minsan >.< Haha! JOKLAng.

Jarvin: Hello! Di naman kita contact. Besides, wala ka naman atang multiply account. Hehe. Nararamdaman kong ang laki ng tiwala mo sa'kin kahit di pa ganun katagal pinagsamahan naten. Super salamat! Tsk.

Jaymie: Hmm...ayan,Ü Just be happy. You deserve it. Hehe. Salamat sa lahat. Sana maging close tayo as friends. Yun naman yung gusto ko ever since.Ü Continue serving the Lord. Nosebleed o. Kelangan ko pa bang mag-elaborate? Wag na.Ü

[Jusko! 2008 na. Kasi naman hiniram ni kuya tong pc sa kalagitnaan ng pagba-blog ko. Amfness.]

Alex: Haha! O andito ka. Baka kasi magtampo ka eh Wahaha! Kung babae ako, si alex yung lalaking pakakasalan ko sa kahit anung simbahan...para lang i-divorce kinabukasan. Haha. Andrama masyado. Di keri ng level ko. Joke.Ü Marami na tayong pinagsamahan kahit pa'no. Witnesses ang mga pasahero ng MRT jan. Alam kong lagi ka lang nandyan kung kelangan kita. Pero bihira ata yun. Hehe. Ako pa?! Independent to tsong! Nyahaha.

Brent: Hindi na natin nakainan lahat ng food stalls sa Trinoma ah. Ang busy mo na talaga masyado ngayon. Haha! Good Luck sa thesis tol. Pwede ka naman manlibre pag naka-graduate ka na. Kahit sa Mann Hann lang. Haha! Pero sa tingin ko mas gusto mo manlibre bago ka grumaduate eh,db? Naks naman. Hintayin ko yan. XD

Randy: Bawasan na kasentihan kahit konti.Ü Masarap ngumiti kahit pilit. Haha! Marami kang kaibigan. Siguro enough reason na yun para hindi ka malungkot.Ü Salamat sa palaging pagtulong sa academics namin. Napakatalino mo naman kasi. Almusal mo na ata ang EEE books eh. Hehe. Joke.

Kel: Oi. Hehe. Sori kung hindi kita madalas kwentuhan. Ganun lang talaga ko eh. Ikaw na rin nagsabi na iba-ibang tao ang gusto ko kausap. Salamat sa pag-intindi sa'kin.Ü Your still my bestfriend kahit hindi ko naipapakita sa'yo yun.Ü Salamat sa lahat ng tulong. Lagi kang nandyan tuwing nangangailangan ako. Ikaw lang yung ganun. Yung alam kong hindi ako tatanggihan. Minsan nga ata inuuna mo pa ko kesa sa sarili mo. Salamat keL! Salamat sa pagiging "generous" mo sa lahat. Lahat na ata ng gadgets mo nahiram ko sa'yo. Pati laptop! astig. Hehe. Biruin mo, pinagkatiwala mo sa'kin yun nung mismong araw na nakuha mo yun?! Sobrang takot kaya ako dalhin yun kaya nagtaxi pa kami. Ibang klase ka talaga.Ü Isa pa, certified photoshop genius ka na ata. hehe. Ganda ng layout ng blogspot ko dahil sa'yo...at sa photoshop. Hehe. Ang haba na nito. Maraming salamat sa lahat ng yan at sa lahat ng hindi ko pa nabanggit.Ü

Kuya Norman: Haha! Kelangan talaga nakalimutan kita? Sori naman. O wag ka na maingay sa alam mo ah? Haha. Salamat! Ready ka ata makinig at mang-issue ng kahit sino. Pero nagpapasalamat ako ngayon sa'yo on behalf of upcircuit. Salamat sa unconditional support na binibigay mo sa org naten. Nag-iisa ka talaga. Hehe. Peace! Ü

Noel: Go Bass! Hehe. Ayan salamat din sa lahat ng tulong.XD Galing galing magpatawa. Natural na natural eh. Haha. Pwedeng-pwede ka na sa comedy bar. Haha.

Law: Sorry sa lahat ng mga sinabi ko. Pero sana naman eh kahit pa'no eh pinakinggan mo yung mga sinabi namin. Alam kong hindi lang ikaw ang may kasalanan, masyado rin siguro kaming nagfocus sa weaknesses mo to the point na personal na yung pinupuna namin. Pero sa ngayon, natutuwa ako na malaki yung ipinagbago mo. Yun ang napansin ko ah. hindi ako nagmamagaling. Mas marami ka naman experience kesa sa'kin pagdating sa paghandle ng org, pero sana maging open-minded ka pa ng konti para maestablish yung tunay na "communication" among the members of the committee. Ü Syempre nagpapasalamat din ako sa'yo...kahit pa'no eh naging mabuti kang kaibigan sa'kin. Kahit ako eh hindi. Haha.

Yam: Ikaw! Oo. ikaw talaga ang madramang babae. Haha. Salamat sa Pag-alala sa'ken.Ü Ingatan mo yung spongebob pillow ah. Binili ko pa kay jarvin yun. Haha. Salamat sa mini planner na binigay mo c/o papemelroti. Hehe. Lagi lang ako nandito pag may problem ka, wag kalilimutan na kaibigan mo rin ako. Hehe. At wag mo rin masyado madaliin ang paglaki, madi-disappoint ka lang eh. Haha.

Lambert: Hehe. Bawi na lang next Eng'g Week.Ü Isa ka pa rin naman sa mga hinahangaan ko sa batch mo.Ü Pero bihira ko na ata kayo makita ni melai magkasama? Ganda kaya ng tandem niyo. Haha! Owel, salamat na rin...kasama pa rin ako sa gm mo! Hehe.

Gliezl: Boss!!! Ang bilis natin naging close no? Ang bait ko kasi eh. Haha. Kung ga'no ka kaingay sa text, ganun ka naman katahimik sa personal. Anu ba talaga? Hehe. Salamat sa pakikinig sa'ken pag kelangan ko ng kausap. Wuju. Pinakikinggan din naman kita di ba?Ü

Janel: Ate?:) hmm...marami na rin ako nasabi sa'yo. Hanggang dito ba bibigyan kita ng words of wisdom? Hehe. Wag mo kalimutan lahat ng sinabi ko sa'yo. Pag ako nangailangan ng encouragements, pwede mo sa'kin ipaalala yung mga sinabi kong yun. Magaling lang ako magbigay ng advice [weh?] pero hindi ibig sabihin eh ina-apply ko yun sa sarili ko. Idealistic din ako eh. Haha. Sana lang eh alagaan mo ang sarili mo. Bata ka pa naman, dapat eh nag-eenjoy ka muna.Ü Lastly, "smile though your heart is achin'...smile,though your tears are breakin'." Hehe. Bagay na bagay talaga sa'yo yan. Always smile! ^_^ Bagay sa'yo nakangiti. Wag lang sobra. Hehe.

Neil: OC. ganyan ka. Haha. Hmm...i admit, minsan na iintimidate na ko pero keri lang. Hehe. Salamat neil. Wala ako ga'no masabi para sa'yo dahil di pa naman talaga tayo nakakapagbonding. Galingan mo pa sa acads.

Erwin: Naks. Meron na kong close friend na true-blooded PCCian. Your one of those very few persons that i trust. Naalala ko yung sinabi mo sa'ken sa gm dati: "May mga taong gaya namin na nakaka-appreciate sa existence mo, kuya." Di ko sure kung yan yung exact words, pero natuwa talaga ko dun. :) I do hope na naging ok akong kaibigan sa'yo.Ü Ikaw din pala yung pinaka-close ko sa batch niyo.Ü Manang-mana ka sa buddy mo.Ü Salamat Erwin...

Ruby: Bratinella ka talaga. Haha. Oi Ruby...Ang cool mo. Game na game ka sa lahat. May sense ka rin pala kausap kahit paano. Haha. Joke lang. Thankful ako na nakilala pa kita ng konti bago magtapos ang 2007. Salamat din.

Cielo: Oha oha! [Peram lang ng expression mo erwin] Nag-iisang app o. Haha. Tigilan mo na yung pagsasabi na cute ka. Title ko yun eh. Since time immemorial pa. Anyway, salamat cielo.Ü Biruin mo kahit pa'no eh naging close tayo? Haha. Hmm...dami pala natin napagkwentuhan. Daming sharing moments recently ah..pero di ko talaga keri yung interview. Anu bang level na mga tanong yun??? No word is enough to express how thankful i am na maging kaibigan mo. Ü Kahit hindi halata sa'yo, eh sensible ka rin pala. Yii...^_^ Marami rin akong natutunang expessions sa'yo...Waha! Beh! :P Bah! at Yiii.. Nyahaha! For the record, hindi mo pa rin ako natatalo sa puyatan. Loser.Ü Thanks for making this year remarkable.Ü Text-text na lang. 30 minutes?:) Game. Lagi lang ako nandito pag may kelangan ka.Ü

Hay, sorry kung hindi ko na nabanggit lahat. Hindi pa naman ako nakahithit ng isang toneladang shabu para bigyan ng message ang lahat ng circuiteer. Effort yun ah. Baka puro "Haha. Salamat." na lang ilagay ko pag ganun. Next year kayo naman. oki?Hehe. Pero syempre joke lang yun.Ü

PARA SA BUONG PAMILYA NG UP CIRCUIT...MALIGAYANG BAGONG TAON SA ATING LAHAT! Kaya pa natin 'to.Ü Let's all remember: In UNITY there is STRENGTH...but in GO there is MORE STRENGTH. Haha! Joke lang. [Yung iba hindi naka-relate. Slow. Haha! XD]

Define: Happiness

2007-12-30T21:26:00.000+08:00

Hay, patapos na ulit yung taon. Hindi dapat ako magba-blog ngayon...but due to a "thing" na nagpabago ng mood ko, maybe i should do so. So where should i start?

2007. Isang taon ulit ang natapos. Pero parang dinaanan lang tayo. Mabilis nga ba talaga ang panahon...o masyado lang ba natin minadali? Time flies when you're having fun. Ibig sabihin ba eh naging masaya buong taon ko? I doubt it.

Doubt. Oo, hindi ko masabi kung ano ba talaga yung assessment ko sa 2007. Ayoko sabihing "malungkot", dahil marami ring bagay na dapat ko ikasaya...mga bagay na mababaw pero sapat na para saken. Gusto ko namang sabihin na "masaya", pero alam kong lolokohin ko lang sarili ko kung sasabihin ko yun. Besides, anu nga ba dapat ang feeling ng masaya?

Define: happiness. Hindi ko alam kung nalimutan ko na yung pakiramdam ng pagiging masaya o talagang hindi ko lang alam yung meaning ng salitang yan. Sa sobrang dalas gamitin, siguro taken for granted na yung kahulugan niya. Pa'no mo nga ba masasabing masaya ka? Sapat na ba yung tumatawa ka? Mahirap man aminin pero hindi sa dami ng ngiti o sa lakas ng tawa nasusukat ang kaligayahan. Dahil may mga tao na kung ga'no mo kasaya makita sa harapan, ganun naman kalungkot sa loob. One smile is enough to mask a lifetime of tears. Tama lang siguro na sabihin ko na sa likod ng bawat masayang mukha, may nakatagong isa pang hindi ganun kasaya. Define: happiness. Sana lahat ng bagay makikita at mababasa sa libro. Para sa ganun, hindi ko na kelangan tanungin yung ganyan. Sana lahat ng bagay may eksaktong kahulugan...para malaman mo kung kailan mo pwedeng masabi na masaya ka na.

Sabi nila, life depends on perspectives. Kung pa'no mo gusto tingnan ang buhay mo eh ikaw ang bahala. Sorrow is the absence of happiness. O kaya, Happiness is the absence of sorrow. Ikaw na bahala kung saan ang mas tama sayo. Ganyan kasimple ang buhay...

Siguro ngayon iniisip niyo na malungkot ako. Siguro nga. Pero hindi naman lahat eh malugkot. There might be a thousand reasons to frown, but there are a thousand and one reasons to smile. Define: Happiness. Hindi ko man kayang sabihin yung meaning ng salitang yan, sigurado naman akong yan ang ipinaramdam sakin ng mga kaibigan ko...

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Gusto ko sana pasalamatan yung mga taong naging sobrang close sakin ngayon, pero sa tingin ko mamaya na lang. May oras pa naman bago mag-2008.Ü

Sa totoo lang, sabog ang 2007 ko. Pero ok na rin. Maraming lessons, marami rin akong nalaman sa sarili ko.Ü It has been a blessing for me to have met someone this latter part of the year that made my 2007.You know who you are.Ü Salamat. Every time i spent talking to you was worth it. Nag-eenjoy akong kausap ka and i hope ikaw rin. beh! :P Gaya nga ng sinabi ko sayo at sa isa pang tao..."if there is feeling better than the feeling of being loved, yun yung feeling na naa-appreciate ka ng ibang tao sa mga bagay na ginagawa mo para sa kanila." I just want you to know that you are appreciated...more than you'll ever know.Ü Thanks a lot.Ü

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While I always do pray for someone to be happy, I forgot that it's me who needs it badly.

hmm?

2007-12-28T13:58:00.000+08:00

hehe...ang ganda ng title ng blog entry na to 'no??? adik kasi ung pinanggalingan nian eh.

argh. hindi ko mapost yung isa kong entry. sana matapos ko na.

owSeben!

2007-12-23T14:46:00.000+08:00

hehe...gusto ko lang sabihin na interesting batch ang up batch '07. nakakatuwa. sa kanila ko laging may kausap nitong mga nakalipas na araw. andaming masarap kausap!!! hehe. parang mature yet immature. haha! ah basta...bukas na ulit. magbblog naman ako bukas eh.

GO 07!!! GO 05! hehe. dpat bida pa rin ang 05 emfre.

pag-uwi galing indakan...

2007-12-17T21:04:00.000+08:00

dapat kong madaliin ang post na to dahil alas dos na at marami pa kong dapat itranscribe para sa dsp na due mamaya. owel.

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di ko na natapos ang indakan dahil nagmamadali na si erwin. pero keri pa rin dahil announcement of winners na lang naman.

natutuwa ako sa mga bagong members ng circuit ngayon. yey! clap clap clap! napaka-dedicated nila sa lahat ng ginagawa nila para sa org. alam kong nakakapagod, pero kahit pa'no eh nakikita ko namang nag-e-enjoy sila sa lahat ng ginagawa nila. nakaka-inspire na makita sila.Ü it reminds me of the "org spirit" na laging binabanggit ng mga "matatanda" na sa circuit.hehe. sana eh patuloy pa tayong maging active sa org, new and old mems alike. para sa mga old mems, sana eh mainspire din kayo sa ipinapakitang effort ng mga new mems natin. ganyan din tayo dati. at sana hanggang ngayon. buhayin ulit natin yung dating circuit na palaban!

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i love this night.hehe. ngayon lang ulit ako nakaramdam ng mixture ng lungkot at saya. and i think dahil yun sa dalawang tao. im confused. sana eh "dead star" na yung isa. but somehow, im wishing na hindi. ang gulo ko na. haha! but then, gusto kong mahalin yung isa pero may something na pumipigil saken...sabi nga, "once you told someone you love him/her, you can never hide in the mask of friendship anymore." this time ayoko nang magkaron ng gap with someone i love. sobrang sakit eh. gusto mong maging close pero hindi pwede. you can't treat her specially the way you wanted kasi may naka-set ng limitations kung hanggang saan ka lang pwedeng lumugar.

owel, gusto ko pa sana magsenti pero wag na muna ngayon. nagmamadali na talaga ko eh. gudnyt!!!

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"i choose to love you in silence cause in silence i feel no rejection. i choose to love you in loneliness cause in loneliness no one owns you but me..."

to sum it all up

2007-12-16T23:21:00.000+08:00

alas kwatro na ng madaling araw pero heto pa rin ako, nasa harap ng computer. antagal kasi matapos ng ina-upload ko eh. inulit ko pa dahil na-cancel ko kanina. amf. katangahan. pero kaya talaga gising pa rin ako ngayon eh dahil inayos ko ulit yung layout ng multiply account ko. isa pang amf! pero hindi pa rin ako naaayusan sa ginawa kong layout. bakit naman kasi walang photoshop 'tong pc sa bahay. isa pang dahilan ng pagpupuyat ko eh para magpost ng isang decent entry dito. pero mukhang di na keri ng brain cells ko mag-elaborate ng mga bagay-bagay. pinangako ko rin pala sa isang tao dyan na paiiyakin ko siya sa next entry ko. haha! pero asaness naman di ba??? hehe.

20 minutes remaining

syetness. nagugutom na ko. di pa pala ko naghahapunan.

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hay...namimiss ko talaga. owel. ayoko na mag-elaborate muna about "love". wala ako sa mood para dyan. tsaka dapat career mode eh. hehe. i need to learn the art of letting go.

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on friendship:

may mga taong gusto nating maging close pero kahit anung effort natin para mapalapit sa kanila eh wala pa ring sense. bakit kaya ganun? minsan gustung-gusto ko na lang sabihin na "pwede bang close na tayo?"

sana ganun lang kadali para makasama mo ung mga taong gusto mong makasama, yung mga taong gusto mong makausap, yung mga taong gusto mong makinig sa'yo. nakakasama ng loob na kahit anung gawin mo parang kulang pa rin para mapansin ka nila. kaya minsan mas masarap na lang magpaka-loner eh.

napaka-possesive ko sigurong kaibigan kaya ganito mga naiisip ko e. hehe. shet. ayoko muna seryosohin yan. gusto ko na muna matulog. next post na ko mag-e-elaborate.

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"Its unusual that you may give up all hopes that the person you love most will love you back, but you can naver give up on loving her even more."

update lang po...

2007-12-11T15:42:00.000+08:00

ang tagal ko nang walang update dito sa blogspot. dami kasing ginagawa recently. tsaka may cellphone naman, mas madaling magtext na lang once in a while. hehe.

exam na naman bukas. andaming dapat gawin at pag-aralan. huhu.

wednesday: me63 exam
thursday: awitan 2007
friday: eee101 exam

ayan...pamatay na sked. di pa kasama orgwork dyan. sana kayanin. dapat pala um-attend ako ng seminar about successful time management dati. sobrang mixed up na yung priorities ko ngayon...mas gusto ko na magtext at maghanap ng kausap ngayon kesa mag-aral.haha.

owel.

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kahapon, naibigay na namin yung gift namin kay janel. yey! four-part gift yun, if im not mistaken. isang cd ng dedicated songs for janel, isang "gagong gift", flowers at syempre main gift. job well done guys!!! although hindi sakin nagmula yung idea ng group gift, natutuwa ako na may naunang nagpropose.hehe!

medyo maarte ko kaya ayun, di ko na naayos yung letter ko...at may nalimutan akong ilagay dun sa mini bottle ko. owel.

sana na lang eh ingatang mabuti ng pinagbigyan natin yung mga bote. hehe! oki ba yun???

anyway, hanggang dito na lang muna...ubos na brain cells ko. text-text na lang tayo!!! haha!

VLC post

2007-11-08T13:57:00.000+08:00

nyahaha! ang saya...gamit ko computer ng VLC sa entry na 'to.

badtrip registration ngayon. sayang pagka-RA ko, di naman ako binigyan ng priority ng our. regular lang priority ko sa form5a. tanga naman nila. kaya pala di ko nakuha mga subjects ko. hay...107 pa. sana tanggapin ako sa class ni sir franz.

owel...alas dos pa lang. hanggang alas singko pa kami dito ni pia sa VLC. Buti may internet. hehe.

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nitong mga huling araw, parang wala ng kwenta yung mga ginagawa ko. nagiging customary na yung mga activities ko. paulit-ulit. para nang routine. no wonder parang walang fulfillment mga ginagawa ko. hay...di ko maiwasan ma-bore sa buhay. haha!

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teka, nasa eee na raw si sir franz. kinakabahan na ko.

wind beneath my wings

2007-10-29T20:30:00.000+08:00

hahaha! wala lang...walang kinalaman yang title ng entry ko sa nararamdaman ko ngayon. narinig ko lang sa tv na kinakanta.hehe...

wind beneath my wings.lol.

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anu ba magandang i-share ngayon??? sa totoo lang marami. pero hindi ganun kaayos ang utak ko para mag-explain.hehe! sa sobrang dami siguro ng gusto kong sabihin, hindi ko na alam kung saan dapat magsimula. sana sa susunod kong entry may masabi na 'kong matino. yung tipong gugustuhin nyong basahin...at basahin pa ulet...hehe.

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for a moment i thought i missed her. the next thing i knew, i've fallen for someone else...

hehe...madalas ko atang ma-miss...pero di na tulad ng dati.

from now on, you're only someone that i used to love...

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ui kel, salamat...that's all i can say.Ü

[gm]

2007-10-24T16:14:00.001+08:00

hmm...

wala ako sa mood para magpost ng specific topic. at lalu na mag-elaborate ng thoughts...so pa'no yan? random na lang? hehe!

well, naisip ko lang...makakapagpost kaya ako ng masasayang articles??? i doubt it. pero malay naten di ba? wakokoko.

ilang araw na kong nagma-marathon ng smallville. ganda pala nun! ang lalim nung mga lines...natututo 'ko. hehe.

sometimes, life is painful. sometimes, it is beautiful. but most of the time, it is both.

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hay...

may tanong ako...

bakit kayo nag-g-GM???

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pa'no ko ba dapat sagutin yan? naaalala kong tinanong ko yan kay erwin. but then, he preferred not to answer. kaya nung gabing yun, ako na lang sumagot...emfre, thru gm. hehe. hindi ko na maalala yung exact lines ko nun. pero eto masasabi ko: dahil sa gm, nararamdaman kong part ako ng isang group. haha! i feel im not alone. owel, sana na-save ko yung gm ko nun para di na ko nagpapakahirap ipaliwanag ulet yung side ko. nadi-disappoint kasi ko dun sa mga taong nagsabi dati ng ganito: "pag si jade nagtext, binubura ko agad! gm nanaman eh." haha...bless you all!

anwei, medyo di rin ok sakin gm ngaun. baka magkaron lang ako ng kaaway pag pinatulan ko yung ugali ng ibang tao sa gm.

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i wish i could find the proper mood to post a decent entry. hanggang dito na lang muna...

sheng dan kuai le!

you remind me of someone i used to love...

2007-10-19T23:59:00.000+08:00

dapat sana eh sem ender blog ang ipopost ko at acknowledgements sa mga kaibigan ko sa circuit...pero sa tingin ko eh mas importante na magshare na muna ko ng something na sobrang gumugulo sa isip ko. alam kong may makakarelate dito. pero sana tahimik na lang kayo. at kung pwede, wag nio na ko tanungin...kung sino...or kung anu pa man. gusto ko lang ng makikinig at mapagsasabihan nito.

pa'no ko ba dapat simulan to?

first of all, naisip ko na naka-move on na ko. i thought a lot of times kung mahal ko pa ba siya talaga o nakasanayan ko na lang yung pakiramdam na mahal ko siya. nung una, sabi ko mahal ko pa at sa tingin ko tama ako. the same question kept bugging me everytime i think of her and i got the same answers, too. recently, natanong ko ulet sarili ko. napaisip ako. mahaba-habang panahon na rin pala mula nung mahalin ko siya. sa buong panahon na yun, kuntento na kong sinusuportahan siya sa ikaliligaya niya. kung san siya masaya, dun ako. gaya ng ibang guys. ganun naman siguro talaga kameng mga lalake pag totoo ung nararamdaman. nakasanayan ko na rin yung feeling na para 'kong "nobody". alam kong magkaibigan kami...pero hindi ko talaga nararamdaman yung pagkakaibigan namin. siguro ako lang yung may problema at hindi siya. maybe, subconsciously, im expecting something from her. at dahil baka nga ako alang ang may ganung iniisip, i tried to ignore that "unappreciated" feeling.

time has gained on us quickly. pero hindi nawala yung feeling kong yun kahit na anung pag-ignore ang gawin ko. "maybe she doesn't really need me", siguro nga. as time passed, unti-unti kong naramdaman na talaga ngang hindi niya ko kailangan. dont get me wrong, i have nothing against her. sa totoo lang, hindi niya kasalanan na hindi ako kailanganin. minsan, talagang hindi natin kayang suklian yung binibigay sa'tin ng ibang tao. ganun din naman ako sa iba gaya niya sa'kin. and in fact, marami siyang kaibigan na mas kumportable siyang lapitan.

dahil sa mga yan, medyo nag-regret ako. pa'no kung di ko na lang pala sinabi dati na mahal ko siya? after all, di niya rin naman pala maibabalik saken. dahil sa pag-amin ko, nagkaron kame ng gap. at habang tumatagal eh lalo kong nararamdaman na lumalaki yung distance sa pagitan namen. i can't help but notice that i'm fighting for a battle that was lost even before it has started. fool of me. siguro mas close kame ngayon kung nagkataon.

just a horizon away...kung di nio pa napapansin, title yan ng blog ko. horizon...where the sky meets the sea...yeah,she's just a horizon away. nakikita mo pero di mo mararating. no matter how fast or how many miles you run towards it, hindi mo siya mahahawakan. you may walk a lifetime, pero hindi magbabago yung distance between you and that horizon. you may put all your effort just to get an inch nearer, but that too would be wasted. so near, yet so far...pero ngaun, hindi ko na makita yung horizon na yun. the sun had set upon it. there's just darkness on the spot where my eyes used to lay upon. alam ko na kung anu yung sagot sa tanong ko...i have come to a conclusion after all these time. i have gotten over her...or shall i say "she has gotten me over her?"

walang halong bitterness yan. somehow, thankful ako sa kanya. dahil sa kanya, mas marame 'kong kaibign ngayon. i met my bestfriend because of her. tinulungan niya ko na mag-mature as a person. and i hope, kahit pa'no eh natulungan ko rin siya. i hope na sana kahit wala akong place sa puso niya, at least sa buhay niya may naka-reserve para saken. she meant the world to me before, but not anymore. may sarili siyang buhay at sa buhay na yon, hindi ako isa sa necessities niya. with or without me, alam kong walang magiging difference. nalulungkot ako na ganun,really...but she has her own life to live with at ayokong maging burden. she deserves to be happy. at sa tingin ko, i deserve the same kaya ko ginagawa lahat 'to.

the thing i will really miss about her are those times when i was wishing for longer bus rides with her. yun lang kasi yung time na nararamdaman kong kasama ko siya. hehe. wala nang ganun ngayon. i can't even remember the feeling anymore.

so i think tapos na yung story naming dalawa...it's not a happy ending but it's not a sad one, too. sobrang ayoko ng "goodbyes", but allow me to put an end to this...

"bye, jaymie..."

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hay...yung binaggit ko sa umpisa na "gumugulo sa isip ko" eh hindi ko pa nabanggit. yun yung title ko sa entry na 'to. grr.

wah! i hate this feeling. yung napapaisip ako kung mahal ko ba o hinde. ayoko ng kumplikadong buhay pero gusto ata ng kumplikadong buhay sa'ken. nahihirapan akong i-share kung anu nararamdaman ko ngayon... i can't put everything into words. bakit ikaw pa??? sinubukan ko namang wag i-entertain yung feeling na 'to eh...

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@jerrold: buon natale. thanks pala. i trust you the same way you trusts me. =)

whosoever gets the son, gets everything...

2007-10-13T18:18:00.000+08:00

A wealthy man and his son loved to collect rare works of art. They had everything in their collection, from Picasso to Raphael. They would often sit together and admire the great works of art.

When the Viet Nam conflict broke out, the son went to war. He was very courageous and died in battle while rescuing another soldier. The father was notified and grieved deeply for his only son.

About a month later, just before Christmas, there was a knock at the door. A young man stood at the door with a large package in his hands. He said, "Sir, you don't know me, but I am the soldier for whom your son gave his life. He saved many lives that day, and he was carrying me to safety when a bullet struck him in the heart and he died instantly. He often talked about you, and your love for art.

The young man held out his package. "I know this isn't much. I'm not really a great artist, but I think your son would have wanted you to have this."

The father opened the package. It was a portrait of his son, painted by the young man. He stared in awe at the way the soldier had captured the personality of his son in the painting. The father was so drawn to the eyes that his own eyes welled up with tears. He thanked the young man and offered to pay him for the picture.

"Oh, no sir, I could never repay what your son did for me. It's a gift."

The father hung the portrait over his mantle. Every time visitors came to his home he took them to see the portrait of his son before he showed them any of the other great works he had collected.

The man died a few months later. There was to be a great auction of his paintings. Many influential people gathered, excited over seeing the great paintings and having an opportunity to purchase one for their collection. On the platform sat the painting of the son.

The auctioneer pounded his gavel. "We will start the bidding with this picture of the son. Who will bid for this picture?"

There was silence. Then a voice in the back of the room shouted. "We want to see the famous paintings. Skip this one." But the auctioneer persisted. "Will someone bid for this painting? Who will start the bidding? $100, $200?"

Another voice shouted angrily. "We didn't come to see this painting. We came to see the Van Goghs, the Rembrandts. Get on with the real bids!" But still the auctioneer continued. "The son! The son! Who'll take the son?"

Finally, a voice came from the very back of the room. It was the longtime gardener of the man and his son. "I'll give $10 for the painting." Being a poor man, it was all he could afford. "We have $10, who will bid $20?"

"Give it to him for $10. Let's see the masters."

"$10 is the bid, won't someone bid $20?"

The crowd was becoming angry. They didn't want the picture of the son. They wanted the more worthy investments for their collections.

The auctioneer pounded the gavel. "Going once, twice, SOLD for $10!" A man sitting on the second row shouted. "Now let's get on with the collection!"

The auctioneer laid down his gavel. "I'm sorry, the auction is over."

"What about the paintings?"

"I am sorry. When I was called to conduct this auction, I was told of a secret stipulation in the will. I was not allowed to reveal that stipulation until this time. Only the painting of the son would be auctioned. Whoever bought that painting would inherit the entire estate, including the paintings. The man who took the son gets everything!"

God gave his son 2,000 years ago to die on a cruel cross. Much like the auctioneer, His message today is, "The son, the son, who'll take the son?" Because you see, whoever takes the Son gets everything.

"For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son,

that whosoever believeth in him should not perish,

but have everlasting life." (John 3:16)

eee 43

2007-10-13T18:07:00.001+08:00

syet talaga!

anu ba naman ung finals?! hindi ko alam kung nahirapan ako dahil nagpakatanga 'ko o dahil mahirap talaga sya...59% lang kailangan ko para pumasa pero sigurado kong hindi ko kayang maka-50 man lang dun!

kung sana man lang eh wala yung requirement na "no exam less than 30%", e di sana exempted na ko!!! pota. parang unfair na my na-exempt na 59% yung pre-final grade tapos ako na 61% na eh kelangan pang magtake ng final exam. ang masaklap pa eh 5 out of 300 points lang nung 3rd exam ang kulang ko para ma-exempt.

pag nagkataon, eee 43 ang unang subject na ibabagsak ko. nakakahiya. alam kong mahirap sa eee pero hindi ko matatanggap na may 5.0 ako! tama na yung isang drop at kwatro... wag na sanang dagdagan pa.

ang iniisip ko na lang eh dead end ang eee 43 para sa mga ece. hay... ang sama talaga sa loob.

sana matapos na sem ko :(

gising pa rin!

2007-10-03T03:51:00.000+08:00

hahaha! ang sarap mgblog-hopping...

sana makapag-post na rin ako ng matinong mga blog.

gusto ko talaga makapag-post ng isang matinding senti blog.haha! sori naman ah...eto na kasi siguro yung best outlet ko. wala naman kayo magagwa eh. hehe...

at dahil nagmamadali ako kasi gusto ko na matulog pagtapos ko i-post to, eh ia-acknowledge ko na lang yung ilang tao na naging special (in a way) para saken nitong mga nakaraang araw...

hmmm...ai wag na nga, sa susunod na entry na. hehe!

@janel: naku...gising ka pa rin! adik k!

@jake: ikaw rin...wag mo masyado isipin si ****! (alvi?)

oha oha! pati sa blog nag-GM...

ilang oras na lang practicals na sa 44...potah. wala ako alam!

hay...mood swing. actually, nlulungkot talaga ko. pero sa next entry na lang din yun.

[ikaw pa rin]

boo! para kong bipolar. hehehe!

o sya...matutulog na ko. kitakits na lang sa tambayan mamaya.

[may gusto ko makita]

[may ayaw ako malaman]

[may kinaasaran ako]

[may gusto ko patayin]

[pero joke lang yun]

[hehe]

life's priorities

2007-10-02T22:58:00.000+08:00

Think it over…
Today, we have higher buildings and wider highways,
but shorter temperaments and narrower points of view.
We spend more, but enjoy less.
We have bigger houses, but smaller families.
We have more compromises, but less time.
We have more knowledge, but less judgment.
We have more medicines, but less health.
We have multiplied our possessions, but less values.
We talk too much, we only love a little and we hate too much.
We reached the moon and came back,
but we find troublesome to cross our own street and meet our neighbors.
We have conquered the outer space, but not our inner space.
We have higher income, but less morals.
These are times with more liberty, but less joy.
With much more food, but less nutrition.
These are the days in which two salaries get home, but divorce increase.
These are the times of finer houses, but more broken homes.
That’s why I propose that as from today:
You do not keep anything for a special occasion,
because everyday that you live is a special occasion.
Search for knowledge, read more, sit on your front porch
and admire the view without paying attention to the needs.
Strengthen your relationship with God.
Share what you have; you cannot keep it with you.
Pass more time with your family; eat your favorite food,
visit the place you love.
Life is a chain of moments of enjoyment, it isn’t only survival.
Use your crystal goblets. Do not save your favorite perfume,
use it every time you feel like it.
Take out from your vocabulary phrases like “one of these days”
and “someday”.
Let’s write the letter we thought of writing “one of these days”.
Let’s tell our families and friends how much we love them.
That’s why do not delay anything adding laughter and joy to your life.
Every day, hour and minute are special.
And you don’t know if it will be your last.

refusal

2007-09-24T19:18:00.000+08:00

"I refuse to wait for you any longer. There was a time in my life when I would have saved myself for you alone. In my heart no one else would do. I belonged to no one else but you. That isn’t me anymore. My heart finally caught up with my brain and I finally saw that all of it was just nothing but fantasies. Dreams that only I wanted. There was no hope left for us. As each day passed, it became clearer to me that it was never meant to be. We were never meant to be.

I refuse to live in the past. What we shared lives in the past, it doesn’t control me any longer. Don’t get me wrong, I will forever treasure it but I won’t let it hold me back. I won’t let it ruin who I was and who I am now. For a time, I almost forgot who I was without you. I’ll never let that happen again. I won’t ever lose myself again.

I refuse to fight anymore. For several months now, I’ve been fighting. I’ve been fighting for our friendship and for us. However, no matter what I do, I seem to be losing. Whenever I feel as if I’m going to buckle down because of the pressure, the thought that somehow maybe you are fighting for us too kept me going. But months have passed, I haven’t heard from you. Somehow I finally realized that I was the only one fighting for us. I was doing everything I could possibly can for someone who was and never will be mine.

I refuse to believe that you didn’t love me. Somehow, someway, I know that I have a place in your heart. You may not have been able to love me the way I wanted you to love me but I know that even for just a second, you really did love me.

I refuse to lose hope. It may not be you. It may take me forever to find her, but I will. Tears have been streaming down my cheeks for too long but not anymore. I have learned so many things from all this. Things that I felt should have been taught to me some other less painful way but somehow I don’t regret it. It made me stronger. It made me look inside myself and really see who I really am and not who I thought I was. Hope kept me going. The hope for better things to come, the same hope that one day I will finally be over you."

ang sarap talaga basahin ng article na yan! :p

under the same rain..

2007-09-24T19:10:00.000+08:00

"You're back to catching raindrops again. To each one a name, and there is one you are dying to find, but how? For each one is a possibility, a chance dividing infinitely in all directions every second.

Running barefoot, it doesn't matter, nobody can see you. Cry, only to find out it won't matter, either, the rain will drown your tears anyway. Release your pain in one solid cry and it won't matter still, the wind will only eat up your screams. Run barefoot and it won't matter at all – your soul is on its knees.

Run for cover and light a cigarette – now that's refuge. You can rest for a few minutes before you start running alone again.

But I have been here all these times.

This shouldn't have been your life, if only you allowed me to hold you one last time.

To each one a name, each one a possibility, another chance, but you cannot see that, never. For I have been always a few steps behind, following, dying with you every step of the way. If only you'd look back."

******

"I'm back to catching raindrops again. To each one a name, but your name I can't seem to find. How could I? You are just a name, a face, a single drop among all others, and the possibility divides infinitely in every direction, every second.

I run barefoot, but it doesn't matter, for nobody can see me. I cry only to find out I cry alone, and it won't matter if the sky will cry with me; it can only cry this much, never enough to comfort me. I shout in pain and it won't matter even, because I can't hear myself as the wind carries away my voice almost instantly. And the cold it brings I can't even feel, for I am colder inside. I run alone, because there is no reason to stay in one place. It is raining.

But... have you been there all these times?

This shouldn't have been my life, chasing raindrops forever, if only you tried to hold on to me tighter, even for that one last time...

Chasing raindrops, to each a name, a chance, so elusive I can never find it. I can never see you. I am as blind as my heart, and being blind I can only face forward, forever forward, no sense looking back. Have you always been a few steps behind, following? I cannot know it, never. If only you'd reach for me and call my name."

>.<

2007-08-29T02:38:00.000+08:00

i miss you more everyday...

tipid!

2007-08-13T21:54:00.001+08:00

"Bye, Jade.."

on my first post....

2007-07-08T03:57:00.001+08:00

antok na antok na ko pero gusto ko talaga gawin tong post na to bago matulog.
dito pa rin ako kina jean dahil "sinalubong" namin bday nia.

hay...andameng nangyayari nitong mga huling araw...may not-so-newfound friends...maraming realizations...maraming dapat ikalungkot...pero may ilan na pwedeng ikasaya. hindi ko na makukwento ngayon lahat pero uunti-untiin ko sa mga susunod na posts ko.

i can't express how i feel today. i feel empty.

nagpunta kame nina brent, randy at jaymie sa trinoma kahapon at around 12:30pm...kain sa cavana (congrats sa mga first timers dun ah.Ü), gawa ng paper frogs pagtapos kumaen, konting gala hanggang sa magpaalam na si randy para i-meet kapatid nia sa sm north.that leaves the 3 of us to kill time in trinoma.

supergala kame sa kung anu-anung boutique. tas naglaro sa timezone kung sa'n kame natalo ni brent kay jaymie sa basketball. tapos gala ulet sa mga kiddie shops. pero pinakagusto ko yung pagtambay namen habang nagkekwentuhan. it was a healthy sharing of thoughts, insights and experiences. but there was a point na nakikinig na lang ako...hindi ko kasi alam kung dapat ko bang marinig yung ibang kwento...at kung narinig ko man, i cant help but suppress my comments. owel, smile na lang. silent smile...atleast to hide what i really feel that moment.

isa pa pala, i did one stupid thing after that...i cried in front of jaymie..c jaymie kasi eh. kasalanan nia talaga yun.Ü owel, ok lang. she gave me a hug for that...

grrr...next time na ulit.